Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
