Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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