I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
