I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
