Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
