Moan for me like Helen Keller
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
