dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
