the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
