Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he puts the penis in happiness.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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