And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
