You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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