I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
