I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
