wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
