So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
