So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I would ride that face into the sunset
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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