the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
