do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
