Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
