is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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