it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
