I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
