i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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