so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
