your thong is hanging out like whoa
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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