I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
