You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
