WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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