The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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