That's intense
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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