My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
