trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
