You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
