u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
