I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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