i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
