I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
