Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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