I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We have started to decorate penises.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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