I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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