he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
