Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
