It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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