dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
