Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
