Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
