where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
