just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
