Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
