Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
