Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I believe in your delicious
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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