He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
