Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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