I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
