im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
