he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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