Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
