I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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