And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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