I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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