You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
