Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
