never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
