I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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