the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
