Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He has the fingertips of a God
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
