I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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